Saturday, November 1, 2008
serene;1:26 AM♥
This
Post
Gonna
Be
A Very
Long
Post.. with all
WORDS!!Familyheard from my auntie, my beloved jiujiu is no longer strong to live any longer.. how i wish someone hugged me and share the tears with him.. those who noe.. he is someone important in my life as a family member.. i cant bare to let him goo.. i misses him.. and i blame myself for not visiting him.. BUT! how am i going to see him with my big stomach? i think i will drive him to grave.. So many things happen at one goo.. hw u all asking me to take it?
MaMaeveryone asking me, wad is my mama reaction.. seriously.. she seems nuthing to me.. she dun care anything abt me.. since the day we had this cold war.. i think even im dead she wont even drop a single tear for me.. somehow i hope i noe who is my father is.. .. .. T_T am i her daugther? who am i realli to her..?
A "him" in me now..he is growing and growing and do not know im stressing abt him.. worst of all, i try to tok to the "BIG HIM" abt this.. and he even tot im lying.. since he dun wan him.. den let it be.. but stop asking questions and doubt me.. T_T am i realli seems like a slut to him? im disappointed.. although feeling is not there.. but why must i lie about something like tt?
Money..money is something i realli worry abt.. im scare i dun have enough.. enough to feed MY FAMILY.. i trying to save already... but it will be nv enough.. when things now adays.. are all toking abt $$! arghh~.....
People around..eyes, pointing finger, gossip are all around.. i noe pple will start to do tt and im being prepare.. but wad im afraid of are pple who are close to me.. they start to worry too.. and asking me this and tt.. which i realli dunno how to reply.. some even seems like scolding me.. do u think i wan it to be like tt? T_T i had enough stress for myself. . . . and hw many times i felt like tearing.. but i hold them back.. im afraid to be out of the house now.. pple start to tok, ask.. i hope im in my world.. just my world will doo...
JieJiefeeling so bad.. my jiejie is the best in the whole world.. she done alot for me.. but i had nv. im sorry jiejie.. i love you~... im a useless meimei.. im sorry...
Lovedyour words from wad u told me and action now seems so diff.. u told me, u dun like to hang out, wan simple life and stay home. but wad i see now is.. totally having ur night life with all kinds of frenz u have..*i noe is none of my biz* im sorry...
why must u do those things infront of me when u noe i will not feel good?
why must u tell me those things when u noe i dun even wanna noe..
why must u happily enjoy ur life infront of me.. when im tearing in my heart..
i dun care u flirt with who..
i dun care u hug with who..
i dun care u kiss with who..
i dun care u like who..
i dun care u interested in who..
but.... please.. dun do it infront of me.. .. .. i realli cannot take it.. im breaking down..
i like the way u tok to me..
i like the way u sms me, even something is not good..
i like the way u look at me..
i like the way u stand beside me..
i like the way feeling so close..
i like the way u r...
but.......... all the things tt i wan will nv meant to be happen.. and those tt i dun wan to know is actually happening every day, hour, min n sec...
i noe.. very soon.. someone will replace me.. which i dun wish for.. but i dun hv the right to ask for it.. cuz i noe who i am now.. and wad status im in.. cuz of u.. i tot of giving "him" away.. so tt im able to start anew.. but since u already noe my past.. i think for guys. they will mind.. so im realli confused wad to do.. T_T
serene is no longer a Happy Girl.. and it's even worst den before..she had been crying everynight.. and it's EVERYnight...
The sweetness addiction that i need.
